You guys know I do not suffer witches to live. I take that command seriously. Therefore I would always stand up for my girls against any ill-treatment.
I am very passionate about women and children issues and I am so into it, I cannot even afford to marry a man who does not only support what I do, but believe in it as well. If I notice you don’t believe in women empowerment, I don’t give you any further thought (but that is story for another day).
So I have got my girls back always. I am hoping to do some big things in helping to empower women because I believe that Africa is very unfair to women, I believe our culture does not protect women so we need to protect ourselves.
However, I cannot stand it when women play the victim. I am a student of History and I was taught objectivity. But more, I am a Christian so I stand for the truth.
You cannot as a woman be a villain or be an accomplice and come play into the victim card.
Talk about pathetic.
It is simply wrong for you to do something wrong and expect to be protected by the same structure that is protecting women that actually need help.
Just in case, you are getting confused, let me run it by you.
You sleep with a man, he did not rape you, you are not under age and you were not drugged. You are a consenting adult who decided to sleep with a man and then he decides to leave you, you now start playing the victim.
Just what part of the act were you not aware of? And somehow because you opened your legs for him, you want us to blame him for leaving you?
Why? Because you slept with him. I do not understand and somebody should probably help me to understand.
Is there something that ties a man to you because he slept with you?
You ask a man for money, he doesn’t give you; you get angry because you “gave” him sex.
This is even the most pathetic of all the situations. And you want me and everybody to believe you are not a call girl?
Biko, what is the difference? I would like to know.
You like a man, he does not like you, he is automatically evil.
For some reason, you are allowed to like tall, dark and handsome, but he is not allowed to like tall, dark and beautiful or whatever the stereotypical image of what a man likes is?
You both are keeping yourself, you made a “mistake,” and you are pouring all your anger on him like he slept with himself. Can you act like an adult and take responsibility for your actions?
A man decides the relationship is not working and he is a demon. Forget all the times you pushed him to the wall, forget all the times you acted selfish, forget all you did that made him feel it is not working for him.
And really, for me, even if you weren’t the above, he can decide it is not working for him. I mean, I might sound cold but people are allowed to like what they like and not like what they don’t like.
As far as he was honest with you, then I don’t see the problem.
The only time it would start being a problem for a man to decide a relationship is not working for him is when a woman can also not say relationship is not working for her.
Anything apart from that is double standard and that is evil.
Every time I see a woman play the victim when she is not, it irritates me.
I am all for standing up for ourselves as women. I even wrote an article on it for Teakisi. I mean, if we don’t, who will?
But that does not mean we see wrong in the face and stand by it because the person affected is a woman.
If you are wrong as a woman and you know me, do both of us a favour and not come tell me, because I am not going to stand with you.
Strong women don’t play the victim, they take responsibility.
Why should a man take you seriously when you are not even ready to take responsibility for all you do?
If you make mistakes or do anything deliberately, be adult enough to take responsibility or at least, don’t call yourself in the league of strong women.
If you, however, want to be addressed as one of the real and strong women, then you have to stop acting like a victim when you are actually the villain.
02/09/2018 at 11:21 PM
Hi Ayandola. I couldn’t agree with you more and I’m a male in North America.
I’ve been reading so much about the victimhood in our society and I just left another relationship with a woman I really cared for and wanted to work as hard as I could to make it happen.
However, I found her to constantly be playing the victim, feeling sorry for herself, and I wanted so desperately to be there for her and yes make her happy.
She is a Christian woman, I’m not, but she unfortunately started to indicate to me some very unchristian behaviors. She is very prejudice, and angry that life didn’t turn out the way she expected. I told her for virtually all of us it never does.
I left because I couldn’t stand the negativity. It was draining and exhausting.
I have male friends that also play the victim and have left at least 3 girlfriends due to the behavior over many years.
Not that it matters but were both white, and I hate bigots and racists, not other people for no reason.
Anyway your article put it quite bluntly. Thanks for putting your thoughts down on this issue.
05/03/2019 at 8:57 PM
I am sorry I am just replying. Yes, you are right, people who constantly play the victim are draining to be around. Life does not always work out the way we want but it is necessary to deliberately see some positivity in life. I hope your ex is doing better and I hope you find love soon too. Cheers!