There are so many misconceptions on what love is online today. If you go online to find the definition or indicator of love, you are likely to find people talking about fairy tales or explaining it as depicted in romance novels.
But love is really so much more than that.
What is and is not love?
That’s the question.
Love will not distract you:
Infatuation or crush might distract you and occupy your mind that you constantly find yourself zoning out when you should be doing other important things, but that is simply infatuation.
Now, does that mean you won’t think about your beloved?
Absolutely not! That is not what I am saying.
But feelings for your lover does not distract you, it actually inspires you to do better and be more productive.
Infatuation is very different in this instance that it can mess with your productivity.
It will not set out to possess you:
When someone has deep feelings for you, it is very normal that they will be jealous if they feel someone else is getting the attention or affection they should be getting from you.
If someone is trying to cage you, keep you to themselves and stop you from having a life outside of them, that is a huge red flag and it should scare you, not flatter you.
They are most likely obsessed. Your lover will encourage you to have a life outside of them.
Love is not blind to the flaws of the beloved:
It sounds very sweet to say “love is blind.”
In fact, there was a home video I watched when I was younger that was titled after this belief. I enjoyed the movie but beyond that, the saying made sense to me and I joined them to preach it.
Now, there are two ways to look at it.
If it means that love closes its eyes to flaws and cares regardless of the flaws, then, of course, I agree with the saying.
But usually, when people say, “love is blind”, they means it doesn’t see fault.
You are probably wondering what the difference is … let me explain.
When you love someone – who is definitely imperfect – you know and accept for a fact that the person is imperfect.
You recognise and can even state their flaws but you have made a conscious decision to tolerate or understand it.
On the other hand, infatuation or “what love is not” doesn’t see the imperfections at all.
When you start thinking someone is perfect, you need to take a step back and be honest with yourself … are you infatuated or not?
Some people are very close to perfect and it is difficult to find imperfection in them … that is not the case I am talking about.
But there are people whose flaws are obvious but you deny or you don’t even see it … that is a serious red flag that it is not love.
It is intentional towards doing right by you:
There is an aspect of love that is “feelings” but a larger part of it is intentional. It is a decision to be committed; that is why it can be said that love is forever.
If it was simply based on how we feel, it will not last forever because feelings are fickle; one minute you feel something, the next you feel another.
Many people break up in their relationship or marriage because they were expecting feelings to sustain them when feelings cannot even sustain itself.
Love is a lot more substantial than feelings. It is much more an act, a decision and a commitment.
When we understand these misconceptions, we will be able to see love for what it is and see what love is not.