Being in love with the wrong person can be emotionally draining. Nobody wants to be in a relationship with the one they love but doesn’t love them back. However, life is not always fair; that is why we have to do all we can to tilt the odds in our favour.
There are many reasons why you could be in love with the wrong person and until you identify it, you will keep falling into the same trap. This article will help you identify why you are in love with the wrong person and how to stop.
Why You Are In Love With The Wrong Person
The way you perceive yourself, your value and worth are all part of what makes up your identity. Likewise, love should be a booster to your feelings, in general. It should help you feel good about yourself and even discover or bring to light some of your nicest traits.
Spending time with your partner should put you in a good mood, make you feel loved. But you have to know this to want it and the only way you can know it is if you have a healthy self-esteem.
What this means is if your self-esteem is low, there are greater chances that you’ll fall in love with the wrong person because you’ll not be able to filter out what exactly to look for in a relationship and what not to consider present in your relationship.
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A Cycle Of Toxic Relationships
If a person in their teenage years got involved with an abusive partner, most likely that person would continue choosing abusive partners in adulthood.
Also, if you experienced any traumatic situation such as rape, substance abuse, loss of a loved one, or are a product of a bitter divorce and so on, it can shape their perception of what a relationship should look like or even the way you view of yourself, thus impacting your future choices.
Feeling Of Emptiness
Many people find themselves falling into the wrong hands or loving the wrong person because they feel there is a vacuum in their life that only a relationship can fill.
While engaging in a romantic relationship is a good thing in itself, it should not be for the sole purpose of filling a vacuum as this opens you to possibilities of a toxic relationship.
The reason is that you can become dependent on the partner and too vulnerable, and in most cases, there is much giving and little receiving.
This feeling of emptiness is closely associated with low self-esteem, this is so because, in many ways, the way a person perceives or sees himself will determine what they want from life and in this instance, a relationship.
A relationship should be to complement what already exists, therefore, your happiness, peace, contentment and so on should not be directly or solely dependent on the presence of a relationship.
This is one of the common reasons why people fall in love with the wrong person and its rationale is not far-fetched.
In this present age, many people engage in rebound relationships, that is, engaging in another relationship immediately after coming out of one to prove a point to yourself, your ex, your friends and family. Some also get involved in a rebound relationship to forget the past relationship.
Whatever the reason may be, rebound relationships are largely a prerequisite for a wrong relationship. The reason is that such a partner is not carefully chosen; it is mostly whoever is presently available or presently wooing you.
Also, there is no time to properly evaluate, retrospect, make healthy decisions and heal totally from the previous relationship before going into another one.
Therefore, hastily going into another relationship immediately after a failed one is bound to land you the wrong partner in most cases.
If you are a relationship addict, you keep jumping from one relationship to another without giving enough time to really figure out what you really want in a relationship and also to give time to know the (potential) partner and what makes them tick.
You just love the concept of being in a relationship; either built from what you have seen around, seen in movies or read about.
But you don’t have personal convictions or expectations from a relationship. In fact, it is not uncommon to find a relationship addict engage in double or even triple dating.
This act in itself opens up an individual to a toxic relationship. There is a need to take a pause, learn the rudiments of a relationship, know what your expectations are, develop yourself (personality, character, academics, career, etc) before entertaining the thought of another relationship.
Fear Of Missing Out
Fear makes people do questionable things and ultimately take wrong decision including the choice of a partner. Most people live with the fear that there is no better choice than the present one, believing it is what they deserve.
Some even believe that if they exit their present relationship, they’ll never have another one that is better than the present one.
This is not relatively true because if the person is wrong, then the reason for staying – possibly to have a ‘happily ever after – is not achieved.
How To Stop Loving The Wrong Person
The best way to break the cycle of loving the wrong person is:
- Find out the Root Cause: In some cases, the cause is easy to find, e.g. having sex with an older person in your early teen. But most times, the root causes are deep within a person’s mind. The first step, therefore, to break away from loving the wrong person is to be truthful to yourself about what the root cause is. Finding out will help you put many things in perspective and set the ball rolling.
- Build Your Esteem: As earlier said, many of the reasons people fall in love with the wrong person is closely associated with how they perceive themselves, their worth and values. If you discover that your root cause is low self-esteem, then it is advisable you start to work on seeing yourself in another light or perspective. Understand that you – just like every human being on the surface of the earth – deserve to be happy and deserves the best, no matter your past. Remember that somebody will love you for who you are and don’t settle.
- Take a Breather: Don’t be hasty to go into a relationship, especially after coming out of one. Take time to heal properly and put things in the right perspective so that you can make a clear-headed and informed decision when the time is right.
Being with the person who loves us is the best thing that can happen to anybody. This is why if you haven’t experienced that, you need to learn why you are in love with the wrong person and how to stop.