Am I settling or being realistic? That’s a question many people will probably ask at one point or the other in their relationship.
We know we cannot have unrealistic expectations in our relationship; nobody is perfect, including us.
But on the other hand, we also don’t want to settle for what’s not right for us.
So how do we know if we are settling or being realistic?
For some people, the answer might come easily and for others, they might be in so deep, it might not be as easy to see the obvious.
If you are not sure and wondering if you are settling or being realistic in your relationship, this is for you.
I have highlighted the warning signs that show you are settling in your relationship.
Warning Signs You Are Settling in Your Relationship
You Are Scared of Being Alone
A lot of people are in relationships because they are scared of being alone and not because their partner is worth it.
You need to start re-evaluating your relationship if you find that you are in that relationship only because you cannot imagine yourself alone.
You need to find satisfaction being alone, so you don’t settle for any Tom, dick or Harry that pays you attention.
You should be so happy being alone that it will take someone worth it to get you into a relationship.
You Are Always Justifying the Red Flags
There are so many reasons why you should choose a partner and in a healthy relationship, you will be able to find positive reasons why being together is a good idea.
However, if you are constantly excusing red flags and trying to justify the relationship to yourself and everybody around you, it might be that you know you shouldn’t be there.
You shouldn’t have to defend your relationship so much like you are a defence attorney if it’s the right one.
Everybody around you will see you are happy and you will know you are happy.
READ MORE: RED FLAGS TO WATCH OUT FOR IN A RELATIONSHIP
You Don’t Believe You Can Do Better
let me start by telling you that there is no other human like you. You are unique and beautiful and so, you deserve all the good things in the world.
And that’s not all; you can get all the good things as well.
So, if you have a partner who is treating you badly, you don’t have to be there. You can get someone who will treat you like you deserve; you get the kind of relationship you dream of.
All you have to do is believe it.
Sure, it might not happen immediately you leave this wrong one and it shouldn’t. You should take some time to do you before considering another relationship.
But what I want you to take from this is that you can get a great relationship. Therefore, it is time to move on if it’s the wrong one.
You Are Hoping Your Partner Will Change
Think about it this way; have you ever wanted to change a habit but found it difficult to?
If you have, then you must know that even when there is a will, changing is not the easiest thing in the world.
Now, imagine trying to change someone who doesn’t want to? Imagine thinking you can actually achieve it?
You are setting yourself up for failure.
Sure, someone can find you worth it enough to make changes but if they have not shown any sign of trying to change in the first few months of meeting you, what says they will no matter how many years you spend with them?
Don’t waste your time like that; don’t settle for that.
You Are Being Forced to Change:
A behavioural modification here and there is acceptable but when the core that makes you who you are, is being challenged, it is an issue.
You should always feel like yourself in a healthy relationship.
You shouldn’t feel ashamed to be who you are and be pressured to be somebody “acceptable” in a relationship in a relationship where you are not settling.
Your quirks, idiosyncrasies and even flaws will be accepted while you are encouraged to be a better version of yourself.
You Are Sacrificing Your Core Values
Every relationship comes with sacrifices.
In fact, if you are not ready to compromise, you are not ready for a relationship. You should probably wait until you are.
However, there are certain things you should never consider sacrificing in a relationship and this is where the concept of being with the one for you comes in.
If you are with the one for you, you will find that your core values will align and you won’t have to sacrifice what will make you lose yourself
On the other hand, settling will mean you are with someone who is completely in contrast with your core values.
If you find yourself sacrificing certain things in your relationship, you are most likely settling.
ALSO READ: THINGS YOU SHOULD NOT SACRIFICE IN A RELATIONSHIP
ALSO READ: CLEAR SIGNS YOU HAVE FOUND THE ONE FOR YOU
You Find Yourself Always Comparing
Now, this could possibly happen once in a while, especially when it is in relation to celebrity couples doing a grand gesture.
But when you are constantly comparing your relationship to that of couples around you, it’s not a good sign. I
f every time you see a happy couple, you think of how it’s so much better than yours and what’s missing in your relationship, you just might be settling in your relationship.
You Feel Resentful
One thing I have discovered is that if you are with someone you don’t love, or there is an unaddressed big issue, the littlest things will irk you so much other people might have a hard time understanding why it’s that big a deal for you.
You know, there is a thin line between justifying red flags and tolerance.
Sometimes, in our bid to avoid the former, we don’t give room for the latter.
But when we love someone, tolerating some of their flaws becomes easy.
However, when you don’t find it easy to overlook what you would normally be able to overlook, resentment is setting in.
And it is most likely because you shouldn’t be in that relationship.
You know you are settling
Our gut instinct is very powerful, and most times, we ignore it because we don’t like what it’s saying. If you “know you are settling in your relationship” then you are settling in your relationship. it is really as simple as that; stop fighting it.
ALSO READ: WHY YOU ARE IN LOVE WITH THE WRONG PERSON AND HOW TO STOP
In conclusion, what I want you to take from this is that you can have the relationship of your dreams where you are being treated right. All you need to do is leave the wrong one for the right one to happen. Don’t stay in a relationship where you are settling. If you see at least, five of these signs in your relationship, then you are settling in your relationship and it is time to move forward. Finally, I like to hear from my readers, tell me what you think about what you just read.
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