I have been in relationships where I judged things wrongly; relationships I thought were healthy but weren’t and relationships I thought were unhealthy but were actually healthy.
Sometimes, because we are in the situation, our definition of healthy and unhealthy can be really distorted.
It usually takes someone who is removed from the situation to sometimes, help us see clearly what we are into.
But when we are adults, we really don’t have the time to waste; that is why it is important we know for ourselves the signs of a healthy relationship.
What are the signs you are in a healthy relationship?
- You Are Happy:
You might be wondering why this is even on the list because of how obvious it is.
Why should anybody be in a relationship where they are unhappy?
But you will be surprised by the number of people who are lacking something this obvious but they don’t notice it because they are used to being in a relationship with their partner.
One of the greatest indicators of a healthy relationship is if you are happy. If you aren’t, then it is time to seek redress.
- You Communicate Effectively:
I see communication in two ways; fun and serious. And I believe every healthy relationship should have both.
A relationship is unhealthy when both of you don’t play and joke around without fear of offence and also when you do not sit down to have discussions on important matters concerning the relationship and life, in general.
- You Respect Each Other:
You both understand that you are different people and although you have certain different beliefs and values, you respect those differences and don’t try to insult it.
You are also comfortable having boundaries in your relationship and respecting it.
- You Are Still Your Own Individual:
A lot of people lose their individuality when they are in a relationship.
Now, this does not mean that you should be on your own and not understand that your decisions affect two people.
It doesn’t mean you should be careless with your decisions without respecting your partner’s feelings.
It means that what makes you unique is not lost in trying to please your partner. You should keep your friends, hobbies, jobs, dreams and visions.
Both of you just need to find a way to make sure all those things align.
- You Are Not Afraid To Speak Your Mind:
It is very unhealthy to be in a relationship where you are shut down when you want to talk or you don’t feel heard and understood.
You should be able to speak your mind respectfully without being afraid of your place in the relationship.
- You Trust Each Other:
In a healthy relationship, you trust your place in your partner’s life; you trust that they will always be in your corner and will never do anything to intentionally hurt you.
You are confident that your partner will always be loyal and faithful to you. If you are living in constant fear of what your partner could be doing any time you are apart, that relationship is headed for the rocks.
- There Is Equality And Balance:
While I believe that absolute equality is an illusion, still, there is should be a measure of equality in your relationship.
In this case, nobody feels like they are doing the most to carry the relationship; you are both pulling your weight in all areas.
You are also both shifting grounds where necessary, so one person is not feeling cheated or worn out.
The relationship has to be ‘give and take’, where both parties are giving and taking.
- You Fight:
No two individuals can be together for long without clashing because even twins who shared the same womb do not always agree.
It is impossible to never disagree on anything. That can only be possible if you are holding back and that will even pose more issues because one day, you will explode.
However, people in a healthy relationship make the conflict about the issue and not the person. They don’t insult each other or destroy each other with words.
The motive is to seek resolution.
- You Enjoy Each Other:
You both enjoy each other’s company. You are close and consider your partner your best friend.
When you are in a relationship where you don’t care to be in the person’s presence or do not notice the person’s absence, then there is a problem and you should definitely work on it with your partner.
- There Is Honesty And Transparency:
You both talk to each other about any issue you have without jumping to conclusions. You don’t lie to each other and you are transparent.
There is a difference between honesty and transparency.
Honesty means telling the truth at all times while transparency means bringing up every issue that you know your partner should know about; it means being open and hiding nothing from your partner.
- Your Gut Feeling Agrees:
Sometimes, we underestimate the power of our guts in leading us. If you feel something is wrong in your gut, then most times, something is indeed wrong.
If you don’t feel at peace about your relationship or you are just uncomfortable, chances are your relationship is unhealthy.
In conclusion, the signs of an unhealthy relationship do not automatically mean that the relationship has to end.
Sometimes, it means you and your partner have to go back to the drawing board and make a decision.
It could be to end the relationship or to change the rules.