Have you ever asked yourself if you are ready to get married? You might be wondering that this has nothing to do with you because you are not in a relationship.
But the truth is whether you are in a relationship or not is inconsequential in determining your readiness for marriage.
It’s probably something that has crossed our minds at one point at the other in our lives as adults.
And the reason for this is simple; marriage is a serious commitment. It is something that we can all agree needs deep thought and readiness before we go ahead.
But how do you know if you are ready for marriage or not?
Well, I have highlighted ten signs that show you are not ready for marriage. If you see these signs in your life or relationship, you should put off getting married until you have resolved them.
That said, find them below.
You Are Scared of Being Alone
A lot of people cannot stand being alone and I mean alone, in the context of being in a romantic relationship. Not alone in the context of having nobody in your life.
Nobody can survive as an island, we all need somebody or people in our corner that love and care about us.
But you can find these people in friends and family and not necessarily in a romantic relationship.
Now, this is not to mean that you shouldn’t desire the companionship that comes from romantic relationships.
What I am speaking against here is desperation for one that pushes you into marriage without proper consideration.
Plus, really, you cannot properly function in a healthy marriage if you are not a whole person who is complete and happy in herself/himself without that relationship.
So, what am I saying in essence? If you find you are scared of being alone, that’s not the time to jump into a relationship.
Instead, it is time to take stock of your life, find yourself and what makes you happy and whole, then you can be ready to share that life with someone else.
Your Core Values Don’t Align
Now, this is for those in a relationship.
You really shouldn’t be considering marrying someone with whom you don’t agree in core principles of life.
Trust me, the feelings you have today that you feel can sustain that difference can only do so much.
Like someone rightly said, marriage will increase every issue you have today in your relationship. So, while it might seem manageable now in your relationship, it won’t be that easy in marriage.
So, for instance, if you are like me and your faith is important to you, you shouldn’t compromise on that.
Also, some people want children and others don’t. Both decisions are valid; it just means two people with differing opinions on the matter shouldn’t get married.
Your Relationship Is Shallow
This is a big sign that not just you, but your partner is not ready for marriage. As we all know, there are many reasons why people get into relationships.
The most popular are sex and money but we also have reasons like prestige, looks, career, fear of singleness and so on.
Whatever shallow reason it might be, if your relationship does not have depth, if you don’t love the core of who the person is and vice versa, then you probably shouldn’t be getting married.
You are not ready for marriage.
You Have Unresolved Baggage
Some of us have unresolved baggage from our childhood or past relationships.
There is no shame in it. But until they are resolved, in fact, I’d advise that you stay out of relationships completely not to talk of marriage.
If not, you will keep finding yourself in a vicious cycle of hurt or you will make your partner pay for what they had no part of.
You Are Expecting Perfection
Perfection eludes us as humans. And while we all know this, not everybody actually follows this in reality.
Some people – even while recognising their obvious imperfection – do not tolerate imperfection in others.
Trust me, you will not find a perfect human. So, if that’s what you are expecting of your partner, it might be better to let them be.
Now, this is not to say to accept abuse in the form of imperfection. No, we are talking flaws that we all seem to have.
What you should be looking for is someone who genuinely loves you, does not deliberately hurt you, whose values align with you and whose flaws you can tolerate.
So, it goes without saying that you have to determine the flaws that you can handle and the ones you can absolutely not take.
Remember, however, to be realistic when doing that, because, like I said earlier, nobody is perfect.
You Are Not Ready to Compromise or Make Sacrifices
There is no healthy relationship that can survive without necessary sacrifices and compromises.
Love is not just about feeling butterflies; it is also sacrificial.
Remember that you will be marrying someone from a completely different background from you, so you will not agree on everything.
And that’s where compromises and sacrifices come in, on both sides. If this is something you are not ready to do, you are not ready to get married.
You Can’t Handle Conflict
For this point, there are two things involved.
It is either you shy away from conflict or you have not learnt healthy conflict resolution. In both cases, you need to work on it because it will greatly affect your marriage.
In the first instance, if you shy away from conflict, you will keep sweeping issues that should be trashed out under the rug.
And what that will cause is piled-up hurt and bitterness that will surely explode someday.
And in the second instance, you will never be able to resolve your issues because one or both of you have not learnt to communicate effectively to address the issues and make sure it never happens again.
Either way, yes, you are not ready to get married because you cannot run away from conflict in any relationship and you should be able to settle them healthily when they arise.
You Are Uncertain
The decision to get married is a very serious decision that needs certainty.
No matter how much you and your partner love each other and get along, if you feel doubt or you are not certain you want to get married, it is advisable that you be sure before you take that huge step.
You Have a Wandering Eye
This goes without saying that if you have a wandering eye, you shouldn’t be getting married. Marriage requires commitment, fidelity and faithfulness.
If those are concepts you do not agree with or cannot keep, you are not ready for marriage. Do yourself and everybody else a favour by staying away from marriage.
If you follow my blog, you will see that I talk about gut feeling and instinct a lot.
And this is because I strongly believe that many times, we know we know something is wrong somewhere but we ignore it because it is easier to lie to ourselves than to face the truth.
However, you cannot afford to ignore that strong gut feeling that you are not ready to settle down.
If you feel in your gut that you are not ready for marriage or you shouldn’t be getting married to your partner, then you should investigate why you feel that way before going ahead to get married.